Epitome of Stress

I tend to write a lot about how tired and how much time I don’t have and the time I wish I had. To be quite honest, people are probably sick and tired of me complaining about anything and everything. I am too. I’ve been cutting down on meals and sleep with the amount of time I’ve had and with everything that’s on my plate these past couple weeks. I really just need a place to vent, but don’t want to bother anyone anymore either. No one really asked if I’m okay, so I guess it’s the part of life where I’m supposed to pick myself up. Some days, I feel like all the energy is just sucked out of me. I just want to talk to someone without bothering them, but I could never find the courage or motivation to. I still feel like I’m shrinking, but I know things won’t suck this much forever. Well, I guess I’ll just leave things here.

This week and next week, yep. It is AP week. I know it’s not just me taking AP classes and I’m not even taking that many for that matter. There is so much pressure to get a 5 for every exam I paid for. What my AP teachers have been calling these past couple weeks are “the final push.” However, this final push is when I started to become lazier than I ever was. I’ve fallen behind on a few simple assignments, that could’ve kept my grade up, but ended up dropping it an entire letter grade. Even though some of my teachers offered late assignments for half credit, I still haven’t found the motivation to complete them. Because I have to play catch up, I haven’t really found the time to study for AP tests. But aside from all that, teaching piano has been kind of a nightmare. No matter how patient I am or strict I am with the kids, I still feel like pulling my hair out after that hour of lesson. I think I must find a new job soon, but this will have to do for now because I really don’t have time to do that.

Also, since senior year is starting soon, I’ve been filling the new role as a front ensemble section leader. And to be honest, I’m completely clueless. I don’t know what I’m doing and have no guidance whatsoever. When I try to give constructive criticism to other members, I’m afraid of them becoming disappointed or offended at the comments. I should know that that’s reality and I’m doing it for their own good. Well, anyway I still regret not applying for a coronet award for World Languages. I’m still worried about getting into college, and choosing which one I want to attend and what I want to study. I just really want to remove all the pressure of attending the college of my mother’s dreams. I still really want to volunteer somewhere before graduating, possibly Aquarium of the Pacific or the library or my local hospital. I still need to take the ACT and subject tests. And of course, get my permit, so I can start learning how to drive. My tour with Pacific Crest Drum and Bugle Corps also starts in about less than a month too. And I’m really excited. The camps every weekend have been a blast (other than having to catch up on homework). That’s probably the only thing that has been kept me going so far.

All this stress piling up is probably just a testament to what I am capable of, what my limits are, and when my breaking point is. Maybe I’m just stressing out because I care too much about my grades and whatnot? I don’t know. There have been nights where I am so frustrated at myself, that there is this tightness in my chest, that I will just cry myself to sleep. I just really hope it doesn’t get worse than this, that I don’t disappoint anymore people, and that I just live in the present, rather than worrying about what the future holds. Thanks for reading and being the one that listens.



Stanford with B’s?

In class, we’ve had time in class to fuel our brains whether it’d be an AP/honors book or reading a blog post! During my brain fuel time, I recently began to read a book called, “How To Be a High School Superstar” by Cal Newport. The other day, I was laughed at from another student for carrying this book. However, she did not know that while she is stressing out over AP classes and excessive amount of extracurricular activities, this book gave real-life scenarios who were able to do less, live a little to no stress life, and still be able to get into some of the nation’s top colleges! This was a revolutionary plan to get into college by standing out (without burning out).

For example, Kate, a high school senior, managed to get her schedule to where she could end the day before lunch to work on an independent study project. She finished her homework early and avoided almost all extracurricular activities. She was able to get into Princeton while many of her friends, who had taken more courses and scored better grades, settled for the waitlist. This book reminds of the blog post Mr. Theriault had us read.


We have constantly been preparing for our future and college readiness by trying to complete guidelines and requirements. We are getting ready for something that might not even happen! During club rush at my school, I signed up for more than 5 clubs! I pressured myself to get involved and put myself in more extracurricular activities than I was able to handle. By the end of October, I ended up dropping every single club I signed up for because I knew I wasn’t happy and it was only causing me more stress. Being a member in a couple of clubs wouldn’t stand out to colleges anyway. I definitely recommend this book to teens in middle school and high school as a more appropriate guide for college!